Questions of Self
by MikaMckeena
Summary: Spike comes to question who and what he is after his Quest and going from Adult and back to kid. A talk with Twilight shows new sides to the dragon and also his inner fears.


Friendship was something most or all ponies seem to understand, that one ability to connect and grow with other souls is a miracle if asked by any pony. Not just could ponies make a friendship but many different kinds could from the high fly Pegasus to the magic unicorns and the simple earth ponies. Yes all these kinds and unclenched souls could do just a simple but wanderers thing.

His kind could not the, always his kind was driven by the feelings of greed and selfishness beyond anything he knew. Using their long lives to gather jewels and gold to try and fill in that empty hollow deep in the heart and so did he a bit. Oh Spiked loved to eat the jewels and save a few on the side but most growing dragons needed the jewels to also fuel their own growing magic and fire and to make scales hard and bodies grow. So he had a need for such things in this stage in his life but he was not growing like a dragon.

From his given time in books and scrolls, the young dragon knew the growth of a dragon came from greed which is why dragons grew to adult so fast in a matter of years after being born but not him save that one time when his heart had changed to and gave into those feelings. Never again he had sworn to give into those dark echoes and hurt his friends and family.

Spike had come to the pinnacle point that his "hoard" or "treasure" were not jewels and gold items but his friends and memories. Having no empty place in his heart like most his kind did, losing that need to have possessions minus the jewels he ate. So was he dragon or a pony?

This question did haunt the young soul, always searching deep in his mind of what or who he was more than once. Even his friends and Twilight had noted the deeper changes in Spike, that linger of sadness but they had no idea how to help him. Even they tried to gentle push him to talk, the dragon would just smile and change the subject in a small word or two.

Also in the back lash of what his sudden growth had done to him was his mind set. Going from child like setting to those of a full on adult male dragon and back again had set Spike in an uneasy in his own body. No more the mindset of a child of his kind nor the full measure of a adult at the same time. Body wise yes, he was at a limbo of who he was now.

Twilight knew something was on the mind of the dragon while one day he was just staring at the rising moon while on the bridge. Young shoulders fell a bit and his tail just touching the ground in a sway of back and forth. Those normally bright emerald eyes looked dull and losing that gleam in the depths, gentle coming to walk up to him with a smile.

"Spike its getting cold out here. Why don't we head over back home and get some warm tea huh?" Twilight voiced.

Spike glanced a moment back but turned his eyes back to the moon. "I'm ok Twilight; I'll head home in a bit."

The tone of his voice seemed flat, empty if anything to the unicorn's ears as she frowned a bit in seeing her best friend in such a low mood. This had been going for weeks now, everyone of the their friends from Dash to Rarity had tried to find out what was eating the young dragon inside and now was the time to get to the core of things. Twilight knew she was going to have to push Spike for the truth even if a little blunt.

Signing, she came to stand next to the dragon and put her front legs on the bridge. Eyes coming to a firm but gentle point when speaking and looking at the dragon face on. "Spike, I know something is wrong with you and every time we try to help, well you just push us away so what's wrong? And don't change the subject like you have been also!"

Narrowing his serpent eyes on the unicorn, he growled softly in feeling that dragon nature build up but turned it to a deep sigh. Twilight once she got on a subject would never let it go like a Diamond dog with a jewel. Shrugging his shoulders, he looked at her in a calm expression more adult looking then she had ever seen him. Maybe it was time to stop pretending to be "Spiky Wicky" in nature.

"I'm going through some stuff Twilight, that's all." He snapped at her

She only blinked, not use to having her dragon talk to her like that or in such a tone. Even the look he was giving her felt odd to see in his youthful features all the more. Yes something had changed in him but what? Growing pains?

Spike turned to walk away and cool off but he felt his claws leave the ground in the light glow of purple of magic keeping him just inches in the air. Wanting to smack his face with his claw in knowing how this was going to be with Twilight. Only she would use her magic to keep him here and to talk. Stubbornness was a good trait in the female but sometimes it also was a bad point in this moment.

"You're not walking away this time Spike! You keep doing this and enough is enough in Celestia's sake! You have us all worried about you yah know! We're your friends Spike but you keep pushing us away and it hurting us and also you! Why can you not just talk to me and let me help you!" Twilight let the fustian's lace her voice, turning the dragon to her so look eye to eye if anything.

Oh now what? Spike looked eye to eye with the unicorn with a calm face but his eyes gleamed a moment from the anger, the rush of feelings turning in his heart like a storm. Dragons did like to be forced into anything that did not want to do but he also knew why they kept pushing him, in being his friends and caring. It was time to say why, knowing he could no longer keep the mind silent.

"Fine Twilight, you want to know what is going with me? Well I am confused ok! I don't act like a dragon but I look like one! I don't grow like a dragon out of greed like I did before and I've not changed at all save that one time! Do you know what its like to go from a kid then to a adult in hours? Also knowing how I could have hurt others? Maybe kill them just by being a dragon? Do you know how the ponies here look at me now when I'm alone? Like I might change back into that monster!" Spike yelled out, Twilight letting him go in a surprise of the rush in his voice.

"I'm not a dragon! But I also not a pony! Sheesh I got two different natures in my heart going on! Oh lets hit the mind! I'm not the same Spike! I don't think or feel like a kid anymore from what happened! I freaking tired or pretending to be that old spike when I'm not him! So what I'm I then?" Spike's voice echoed out over the water into the stars. Coming to lean on the bride on his claws and head cast down in defeat.

Weight of the word sank into the unicorn for the moment, never hearing her friend speak like that or so mature. Thinking on the outburst made her unsure of what to say or do. Truly she was in a end of what to say, knowing something had changed in him after the growth spurt some weeks ago but having him said how the other ponies looked him hurt Twilight. First was first in this moment.

"Spike….."Twilight felt lost but tried to voice something, "I know above anything else you're my friend and brother….."

"I know Twilight, but those just part of who I am, not the whole of what makes me…."Spike cut her off with a light whisper. "Now I have no idea what I am, a dragon raised by ponies….one day I was adult now back to being a kid? "

She light walked over to nuzzle his scaled cheeked, a bit lost on what to say to Spike. There were some things even her or the others could not understand. Spike was one of those things, yes he was a dragon but he had been raised so un-dragon like. No books could hold the answer to this one for both of them.

Pulling away, her horn glowed gentle to cast out some light, "Spike, I don't know what to tell you. Only you can decide who your going to be, but being raised like a pony but being a dragon makes you different then any other dragon but those are also part of you and your growing up and you will find more hidden parts of you also. You don't have to make mind set on who you are now. Let time be a friend on this Spike."

Some moments passes at the drake let the words sink in and ran them over in his head. How he age and grow up was going to be different then any other dragon yes. Also it was not like he alone in this path, Twilight was with him and would discovery along with him. Smiling still sadly he looked at the stars and signed in the warm air.

"You're right, I still have a lot to learn on both sides of the line. But do me a favor Twilight…" Spike said, turning to look at her.

"Everything Spike."

"Stop treating me like I'm a kid all the time ok? I'm not a well, kid anymore in some sense you might say." Spike pointed out, eying a calm look at her.

Thinking on his words and the change she had seen, it did make sense. "Deal Spike and we can have a talk with the others in the morning on all this too."

Nodding, he smiled brighter than he had in the last weeks. Still looking out over the water and feeling the breeze of the Everfree on his back. He was of two worlds yes but he was not alone at least in anything that was going to happen.


End file.
